Like Playing See-Saw With an Elephant!

If you've been following my blog (please do, I'm very interesting and insightful. Really. Honest) you would have seen my post about wanting to work whilst being a mummy. As I'm officially on maternity leave until the end of January but am no longer being paid, I've been doing some writing work, hence the quietness on here.

It turns out that trying to work from home with a baby is trickier than I thought. Firstly, Isabella is obsessed with my laptop and every time I have it round her, she climbs on top of it. Secondly, my baby does not like being ignored and she doesn't nap that much. If you add together all the hours you spend playing with a baby, feeding a baby, soothing a baby, changing a baby and doing the endless washing of clothes that comes along with it all, I'm pretty sure it adds up to more than 24 hours!

At first it was fine, I was doing manageable chunks of work here and there, but then I managed to score a job as a content writer for an outsourcing company. It was a LOT of work, which is both good and bad. Good because doing 8-10 500 word pieces a day adds up to a reasonable amount of money, bad because it's actual impossible to fit that in when you're a mummy. Something has to give, and in my case, that ended up being sleep. 

I had a seemingly endless stream of articles and guest posts to write with next day deadlines. The fascinating subjects included- packaging tape, pallet wrap, plywood, body armour (?). Soooo, I ended up typing all the way to Shropshire and back, typing during Isabella's meal times (it's fortunate that at the moment she just insists on feeding herself) and typing through to the wee small hours. Old caffeine addict Kayleigh was back! My baby ended up twitchy from the amount of coffee I was drinking, I felt like I was being tortured and it got to the stage when I just didn't care if I was being paid or not, I just wanted my life back.

After losing 5lbs in the space of 4 days and gaining a massive spot which makes me look like I have a cold sore, I decided to call it quits. I told a little white lie and said that I had another job and agreed that I'd do 1000-2000 words a day for them max. I've got a few straggling pieces to get through, so it's going to be another tough couple of nights, but at least then it's done and gone away forever. Now, I'm just working for the one company that I started with doing a little bit of blog work and proof reading here and there and I'm much happier. 

It's so impossible to find a balance between working and being a mum, whether you return to the office or work from home. Hence the title of this entry because it is, in fact, like trying to play see-saw with an elephant! 

Baby feeding isn't a contest!

Up until now, I've been pretty open about the fact that I breast feed my baby, but haven't publicly discussed my opinions or problems that I've experienced much.
Discussing breast feeding is a double-edged sword- it's important to discuss it and stop it from becoming a taboo subject, but be too pro-breast feeding and you get accused of being part of the 'Breastapo' or trying to guilt-trip bottle feeding mums. Why can't we just freely discuss feeding our babies without negative feedback?!
I'm part of several breast feeding support groups on Facebook, but some of the comments made by other breast feeding mums seem like they're trying to make mums feel guilty if they have to supplement with formula or have to start weaning earlier than they planned.
I got a LOT of opinions and criticism when I had to start giving Isabella solids at 4 months,but none of them were actually from breast feeders who had the experience that I did of being stuck for an hour with a baby on your boob a dozen times a day. This leads me to believe that these advocates didn't exclusively breast feed quiiiiiiite as long as they're making out!
Of course I believe that breast feeding is best for MY baby, but it doesn't mean that I'm frowning on other mums who either can't breast feed or choose not to for their personal reasons. That being said, I think that not breast feeding for a self-centred reason, eg thinking that it makes your boobs go saggy, is wrong. I have a mummy friend who couldn't breast feed due to tongue-tie, then her supply didn't come through because she didn't have the first few important days and a girl we know (who's not a mum, BTW) had the brass nerve to stand IN  HER HOUSE and have a go at her for not breast feeding and demanded that she tried it there and then. What happened to us women being supportive of each other?!
At the same time, I sometimes feel that I can't be vocal about how proud I am of myself. Most women in the UK will give up breast feeding by 6 weeks, but I'm still going strong at 7 months AND my baby as 2 teeth that she's started to use- ouchy!
Maybe if all of us women, mums and non-mums alike are supportive and less critical about each other, we can discuss the choices that we have made for our babies more freely without having to tread on eggshells.

Veggie baby pancakes

OK, because I'm nice, I thought I'd share my recipe for baby pancakes.

Makes 8 (I cook 4 and then do the rest the following day, keep the batter in the fridge)

You will need-

1 egg
1/3 tin of chickpeas, butter beans or any pulse that your baby likes.
1 heaped tbsp of flour
1 tbsp of grated cheddar
A pinch of dried herbs

Here's what to do-

Boil your beans or pulses for 4 minutes in unsalted water, drain and then mash.
Mix together with the rest of the ingredients and a little splash of water to make a thick batter.
Heat up a frying pan with a small amount of vegetable oil.
Once the pan is hot, spoon in some of the mixture.
Cook for 3-4 minutes, then flip them over.
Cook the other side for another 3-4 minutes, until both sides are golden brown.
Cool on a piece of kitchen paper to absorb any excess grease, then serve, voila!

I first gave them to Isabella with a tomato and tahini dipping sauce, but she ended up shoving her hands into the sauce and smearing it everywhere. She looked a zombie baby! They are also very tasty for mummy and daddy, because cooking for baby is hungry work!

Well, I guess I'm not needed!

My baby has decided that she doesn't want me to feed her any more (except yogurt, strangely  and she just wants to feed herself. This is both a good thing and a bad thing.

It's good because-
I get to do stuff whilst she's eating, like actually eating myself, or reading, which I never get to do any more!
It's good for her fine motor skills and independence.
She really enjoys her food.
It's handy when we go out for lunch and she can feed herself whilst we eat.

It's bad because-
I still have a load of purées and baby porridge which she will no longer touch. My baby doesn't realise that I'm not made of money!
It means that I have to get more creative as she's being raised veggie so I need to come up with lots of ideas for finger foods with protein.
Sometimes it takes aaaaaaaaaaages and you can't leave a baby unattended whilst they eat.
It's a bit embarrassing when we go out for lunch and there's half-chewed food in a 2 foot radius around us.

Also, if she's a bit tired, she doesn't eat much and chucks most of it on the floor. Then she gets cranky because she's still hungry. Then she gets cranky because she's been in the high chair for too long. Then she takes ages to get to sleep because she's still hungry. You just can't please some people!
My current brainchild is mini-pancakes with mashed up beans or chickpeas and cheese in them to get fat, carbs and protein into her, but obviously she can't live off those so I'll have to come up with more ideas. She would probably eat toast and bananas all day, every day if I let her, but if mummy isn't allowed to live off toast, neither is she!

Mummy tummies

There seem to be loads of shows out there about people over-eating, binge-eating, eating themselves to death, diets etc, but none about the hardest weight-loss challenge of them all- regaining your body after 9 months without proper exercise, no sleep, ripped abdominal muscles, painful scars (I had to angle myself when I had to pee!) and stretched-skin as far as the eye can see. That's right, we need a real-life mummy weight-loss show.
All these gossip magazines are full of stars who snap back into their size 6 jeans without a stretch mark or vomit stain in sight. Unfortunately, not all of us can afford 24/7 private nannies, personal chefs and trainers and elective c-sections that come with a "mummy-tuck".
Admittedly, I did get a bit pudgy in the couple of years before getting pregnant, so I've had that to lose as well. I also had the world's HUGEST bump. I used to joke that there are 2 man-made objects that you can see from the moon- the Great Wall of China and my baby bump!
The breast feeding must have helped with the baby-weight loss BUT it gives you chronic munchies in the first few weeks. Plus, because you're so sleep-deprived, a nice, light salad won't do- you need biscuits and stodge and comfort food. It's a bit like 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
Then, once you've had your 6 week check-up, longer if you've had a c-section, you can start exercising again. When I actually get time to exercise, which is normally gone 11pm at night, I don't have the energy to do much and can't make too much sound or I'll wake up baby. I do Zumba once a week, it's become my 'hour off' from being a mum, as we don't have lunch breaks.
I managed to get around about pre-baby weight at 4 months post-partum, but that was mainly due to being in the middle of nowhere; I have to walk for a mile and a half for Heat and a latte.
You show me any woman who loses her baby weight as fast as celebs do, but in normal conditions, and I'll show you a unicorn fornicating with the easter bunny on a double rainbow!!!

Q. When is a baby not a baby?

A. When they become a little person.

Admittedly, my baby has always been the child of a thousand faces, but I've been wondering if it's a gradual process or you just wake up one morning and instead of being a squirming, crying baby, they're a little person with their own personality.

For example, as much as Isabella has always had her own "flavour" as a baby. When she was in utero, the only music that she would kick to was Lady Gaga and she made me feel nauseous if I didn't eat enough fruit and veg. As a 7 month old crawling, babbling, cuddling, teething baby, she's equally as blatant with her likes and dislikes. For example, if the wrong person is holding her, she'll soon let them know and she flat-out refuses to eat anything bland. She also makes it very clear that she owns her mummy!

Some people (admittedly, normally people without babies) claim that all babies are the same and a wee bit boring, but I think I can actually tell the difference between different babies. I think my bubba's always had her own personality, it's just developed and grown with her, like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

No! Don't make me go back there!

I have 2 more pay days left and 5 more months of maternity leave, then I have the choice to either be broke for 3 months, go back early and spend less time with my baby or be completely broke and hand in my notice. Let's face it, the £81 and a few pence child benefit we get monthly just about covers nappies and dummies, babies are blimming expensive!
The original plan was for me to go back to work part time at the end of October, but as soon as I gave birth, I knew that I really didn't want to leave my baby. I need to start making money as, even if I go back in January (after a year's maternity leave), I'll have no money for Christmas, or going out for my birthday, or maybe not even for Isabella's first birthday.
My first idea was to make a few quid from doing online surveys. I used to do them all the time when I lived in my old flat and ended up earning £30 on one site and a £10 Argos voucher on another. But that was back when I had a lot more free time in the evening and it took me almost a year to make my £30 and Argos voucher. Plus it's annoying. And a tad repetitive. And very boring. And your email ends up being spammed no end as your details are spread far and wide across the internet.
The second idea was to start my own business, as I've been intending to do for 2 years. The number of mums starting their own businesses has risen by 20% since 2000 and there are now over a million of us at it. Also, it means having a bit of money and if things pick up enough, not having to return to the office and leave my baby. So far, I've spent about £70 of my hard-earned money on supplies, made a few trial bath muffins and set up a Facebook page to advertise my wares. It's not exactly a massive money spinner as of yet. BUUUUUUT there is one shining beacon on the horizon! My mother-in-law organises a local event every year called the Towpath Harvest where people in our town come together to barter and to sell their home-grown and home-made produce so I'm going to see if I can drum up a bit of business. The goal is to become established enough to do the craft fair circuit next Christmas.
Then there's the third option; trying to make money in the comfort of my own home using the wonder that is the internet. I've joined PeoplePerHour offering my services and am at present searching about 6 different websites for some data entry work. I think I'm just going to have to persevere and throw many nets in the ocean. All going well, I'll be able to earn a bit of pocket money to keep clean nappies on my baby's bum and food in her tummy. Wish me luck!
It's not that I don't want to work, quite the opposite. I've always been a grafter and worked since the age of 15, but I've found that my priorities shifted from having a bit of spare cash to go to the pub to spending as much time with my baby as possible and watching her develop into her own little person. I'm just really not ready to leave her yet and the thought of going back to a job that I didn't really like (and was supposed to be temporary) in the first place and missing out being with my baby does just bum me out no end. Maybe I should just start playing the lottery and see how that works out for me...
TTFN!