It's nearly Christmas!!!

There are only 15 days until Christmas, that's just 2 weeks and 1 day! Apart from my mum, I am actually the biggest kid when it comes to Christmas. I love the cheesiness, I love the tack, I love all the old Christmas hits, like Slade's 'Merry Christmas Everyone' and re-watching Elf for the hundredth time! Most importantly, this year is Isabella's first Christmas!
She, of course, is too young to know what's going on, can't really have Christmas dinner (she's veggie like me anyway, so no turkey for her!) and will probably prefer the wrapping paper to her presents, but I really want to get something memorable for her.
My problem at Christmas time is that I always insist on making things like mince pies or gingerbread or home-made knitted scarves and end up tearful and panicky at 4am on Christmas eve trying to finish everything. Last year, I learnt how to make macarons and made my own puff-pastry for mince pies. Of course, I didn't make enough pastry and ran out of some of the ingredients. More poor other-half ended up in a ram-packed Asda an hour before closing time on Christmas eve getting me more white chocolate, eggs and pastry whilst I (heavily pregnant, tired and emotional) cried in the kitchen, covered in flour and watching Elf declaring that 'Everything has gone to sh*t!' Being my own worst enemy, I decided to make gingerbread, shortbread and fudge as well as the mince pies and macarons. Ever tried to make a macaron? Don't do it unless you have a couple of days to spare and infinite patience.
This year, I have tried to go a bit easier on myself with the exception of making my mother-in-law's present (I'm not saying what it is, she reads this!) and having to make shortbread for my mum's husband and deciding that I want to make a Christmas pudding.
I really want to do a stocking for Isabella but so far have only got one present for it and no actual stocking. I will make it the world's most perfect and festive Christmas for her if it kills me. Which it probably will.....At least this year I can blimming drink!

You know you're a mummy when....

I know, I know, I haven't posted for aaaaages! I've been really busy with a poorly Isabella who then started teething again (she has 3 coming through atm, eeeek!) and I did a craft fair last weekend so every spare minute was spent making soap and bath bombs or knitting.
At the moment, it's 12.20 at night and I'm trying to catch up with Masterchef whilst knitting finger puppets for a Christmas present, so this will be a quick one.

You know you're a mummy when- 

You are no longer grossed out by any form of bodily fluid.
You are proficient at doing things with one hand.
Baby wipes are your new BFF.
Not having a smear of sudocrem down your leg and brushing your hair counts as 'dressed up'.
You have to consider if there will be something suitable for your baby before you settle on a place for lunch.
A digestive shared with your baby (who just had their own breakfast all to their self ) and a bit of chocolate constitutes as breakfast in your books.
You can't remember what your legs look like without hair.
Ditto your bikini area.
Having a bath by yourself seems like the biggest extravagance in the world.
Popping out to see your grown up friends for a *gasp* glass of wine is the most.exciting.thing.EVER!
When you go to see your friends, you mummy them in lieu of your baby.
You go out fully intending to buy some jeans that fit but end up with some really cute clothes for your sprog instead.
You look at your baby and realise that you would do absolutely anything for them and would probably kill anybody who so much as looked at them the wrong way.

If anybody has some more for my list, please let me know!

TTFN x

Like Playing See-Saw With an Elephant!

If you've been following my blog (please do, I'm very interesting and insightful. Really. Honest) you would have seen my post about wanting to work whilst being a mummy. As I'm officially on maternity leave until the end of January but am no longer being paid, I've been doing some writing work, hence the quietness on here.

It turns out that trying to work from home with a baby is trickier than I thought. Firstly, Isabella is obsessed with my laptop and every time I have it round her, she climbs on top of it. Secondly, my baby does not like being ignored and she doesn't nap that much. If you add together all the hours you spend playing with a baby, feeding a baby, soothing a baby, changing a baby and doing the endless washing of clothes that comes along with it all, I'm pretty sure it adds up to more than 24 hours!

At first it was fine, I was doing manageable chunks of work here and there, but then I managed to score a job as a content writer for an outsourcing company. It was a LOT of work, which is both good and bad. Good because doing 8-10 500 word pieces a day adds up to a reasonable amount of money, bad because it's actual impossible to fit that in when you're a mummy. Something has to give, and in my case, that ended up being sleep. 

I had a seemingly endless stream of articles and guest posts to write with next day deadlines. The fascinating subjects included- packaging tape, pallet wrap, plywood, body armour (?). Soooo, I ended up typing all the way to Shropshire and back, typing during Isabella's meal times (it's fortunate that at the moment she just insists on feeding herself) and typing through to the wee small hours. Old caffeine addict Kayleigh was back! My baby ended up twitchy from the amount of coffee I was drinking, I felt like I was being tortured and it got to the stage when I just didn't care if I was being paid or not, I just wanted my life back.

After losing 5lbs in the space of 4 days and gaining a massive spot which makes me look like I have a cold sore, I decided to call it quits. I told a little white lie and said that I had another job and agreed that I'd do 1000-2000 words a day for them max. I've got a few straggling pieces to get through, so it's going to be another tough couple of nights, but at least then it's done and gone away forever. Now, I'm just working for the one company that I started with doing a little bit of blog work and proof reading here and there and I'm much happier. 

It's so impossible to find a balance between working and being a mum, whether you return to the office or work from home. Hence the title of this entry because it is, in fact, like trying to play see-saw with an elephant! 

Baby feeding isn't a contest!

Up until now, I've been pretty open about the fact that I breast feed my baby, but haven't publicly discussed my opinions or problems that I've experienced much.
Discussing breast feeding is a double-edged sword- it's important to discuss it and stop it from becoming a taboo subject, but be too pro-breast feeding and you get accused of being part of the 'Breastapo' or trying to guilt-trip bottle feeding mums. Why can't we just freely discuss feeding our babies without negative feedback?!
I'm part of several breast feeding support groups on Facebook, but some of the comments made by other breast feeding mums seem like they're trying to make mums feel guilty if they have to supplement with formula or have to start weaning earlier than they planned.
I got a LOT of opinions and criticism when I had to start giving Isabella solids at 4 months,but none of them were actually from breast feeders who had the experience that I did of being stuck for an hour with a baby on your boob a dozen times a day. This leads me to believe that these advocates didn't exclusively breast feed quiiiiiiite as long as they're making out!
Of course I believe that breast feeding is best for MY baby, but it doesn't mean that I'm frowning on other mums who either can't breast feed or choose not to for their personal reasons. That being said, I think that not breast feeding for a self-centred reason, eg thinking that it makes your boobs go saggy, is wrong. I have a mummy friend who couldn't breast feed due to tongue-tie, then her supply didn't come through because she didn't have the first few important days and a girl we know (who's not a mum, BTW) had the brass nerve to stand IN  HER HOUSE and have a go at her for not breast feeding and demanded that she tried it there and then. What happened to us women being supportive of each other?!
At the same time, I sometimes feel that I can't be vocal about how proud I am of myself. Most women in the UK will give up breast feeding by 6 weeks, but I'm still going strong at 7 months AND my baby as 2 teeth that she's started to use- ouchy!
Maybe if all of us women, mums and non-mums alike are supportive and less critical about each other, we can discuss the choices that we have made for our babies more freely without having to tread on eggshells.

Veggie baby pancakes

OK, because I'm nice, I thought I'd share my recipe for baby pancakes.

Makes 8 (I cook 4 and then do the rest the following day, keep the batter in the fridge)

You will need-

1 egg
1/3 tin of chickpeas, butter beans or any pulse that your baby likes.
1 heaped tbsp of flour
1 tbsp of grated cheddar
A pinch of dried herbs

Here's what to do-

Boil your beans or pulses for 4 minutes in unsalted water, drain and then mash.
Mix together with the rest of the ingredients and a little splash of water to make a thick batter.
Heat up a frying pan with a small amount of vegetable oil.
Once the pan is hot, spoon in some of the mixture.
Cook for 3-4 minutes, then flip them over.
Cook the other side for another 3-4 minutes, until both sides are golden brown.
Cool on a piece of kitchen paper to absorb any excess grease, then serve, voila!

I first gave them to Isabella with a tomato and tahini dipping sauce, but she ended up shoving her hands into the sauce and smearing it everywhere. She looked a zombie baby! They are also very tasty for mummy and daddy, because cooking for baby is hungry work!

Well, I guess I'm not needed!

My baby has decided that she doesn't want me to feed her any more (except yogurt, strangely  and she just wants to feed herself. This is both a good thing and a bad thing.

It's good because-
I get to do stuff whilst she's eating, like actually eating myself, or reading, which I never get to do any more!
It's good for her fine motor skills and independence.
She really enjoys her food.
It's handy when we go out for lunch and she can feed herself whilst we eat.

It's bad because-
I still have a load of purées and baby porridge which she will no longer touch. My baby doesn't realise that I'm not made of money!
It means that I have to get more creative as she's being raised veggie so I need to come up with lots of ideas for finger foods with protein.
Sometimes it takes aaaaaaaaaaages and you can't leave a baby unattended whilst they eat.
It's a bit embarrassing when we go out for lunch and there's half-chewed food in a 2 foot radius around us.

Also, if she's a bit tired, she doesn't eat much and chucks most of it on the floor. Then she gets cranky because she's still hungry. Then she gets cranky because she's been in the high chair for too long. Then she takes ages to get to sleep because she's still hungry. You just can't please some people!
My current brainchild is mini-pancakes with mashed up beans or chickpeas and cheese in them to get fat, carbs and protein into her, but obviously she can't live off those so I'll have to come up with more ideas. She would probably eat toast and bananas all day, every day if I let her, but if mummy isn't allowed to live off toast, neither is she!

Mummy tummies

There seem to be loads of shows out there about people over-eating, binge-eating, eating themselves to death, diets etc, but none about the hardest weight-loss challenge of them all- regaining your body after 9 months without proper exercise, no sleep, ripped abdominal muscles, painful scars (I had to angle myself when I had to pee!) and stretched-skin as far as the eye can see. That's right, we need a real-life mummy weight-loss show.
All these gossip magazines are full of stars who snap back into their size 6 jeans without a stretch mark or vomit stain in sight. Unfortunately, not all of us can afford 24/7 private nannies, personal chefs and trainers and elective c-sections that come with a "mummy-tuck".
Admittedly, I did get a bit pudgy in the couple of years before getting pregnant, so I've had that to lose as well. I also had the world's HUGEST bump. I used to joke that there are 2 man-made objects that you can see from the moon- the Great Wall of China and my baby bump!
The breast feeding must have helped with the baby-weight loss BUT it gives you chronic munchies in the first few weeks. Plus, because you're so sleep-deprived, a nice, light salad won't do- you need biscuits and stodge and comfort food. It's a bit like 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
Then, once you've had your 6 week check-up, longer if you've had a c-section, you can start exercising again. When I actually get time to exercise, which is normally gone 11pm at night, I don't have the energy to do much and can't make too much sound or I'll wake up baby. I do Zumba once a week, it's become my 'hour off' from being a mum, as we don't have lunch breaks.
I managed to get around about pre-baby weight at 4 months post-partum, but that was mainly due to being in the middle of nowhere; I have to walk for a mile and a half for Heat and a latte.
You show me any woman who loses her baby weight as fast as celebs do, but in normal conditions, and I'll show you a unicorn fornicating with the easter bunny on a double rainbow!!!

Q. When is a baby not a baby?

A. When they become a little person.

Admittedly, my baby has always been the child of a thousand faces, but I've been wondering if it's a gradual process or you just wake up one morning and instead of being a squirming, crying baby, they're a little person with their own personality.

For example, as much as Isabella has always had her own "flavour" as a baby. When she was in utero, the only music that she would kick to was Lady Gaga and she made me feel nauseous if I didn't eat enough fruit and veg. As a 7 month old crawling, babbling, cuddling, teething baby, she's equally as blatant with her likes and dislikes. For example, if the wrong person is holding her, she'll soon let them know and she flat-out refuses to eat anything bland. She also makes it very clear that she owns her mummy!

Some people (admittedly, normally people without babies) claim that all babies are the same and a wee bit boring, but I think I can actually tell the difference between different babies. I think my bubba's always had her own personality, it's just developed and grown with her, like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

No! Don't make me go back there!

I have 2 more pay days left and 5 more months of maternity leave, then I have the choice to either be broke for 3 months, go back early and spend less time with my baby or be completely broke and hand in my notice. Let's face it, the £81 and a few pence child benefit we get monthly just about covers nappies and dummies, babies are blimming expensive!
The original plan was for me to go back to work part time at the end of October, but as soon as I gave birth, I knew that I really didn't want to leave my baby. I need to start making money as, even if I go back in January (after a year's maternity leave), I'll have no money for Christmas, or going out for my birthday, or maybe not even for Isabella's first birthday.
My first idea was to make a few quid from doing online surveys. I used to do them all the time when I lived in my old flat and ended up earning £30 on one site and a £10 Argos voucher on another. But that was back when I had a lot more free time in the evening and it took me almost a year to make my £30 and Argos voucher. Plus it's annoying. And a tad repetitive. And very boring. And your email ends up being spammed no end as your details are spread far and wide across the internet.
The second idea was to start my own business, as I've been intending to do for 2 years. The number of mums starting their own businesses has risen by 20% since 2000 and there are now over a million of us at it. Also, it means having a bit of money and if things pick up enough, not having to return to the office and leave my baby. So far, I've spent about £70 of my hard-earned money on supplies, made a few trial bath muffins and set up a Facebook page to advertise my wares. It's not exactly a massive money spinner as of yet. BUUUUUUT there is one shining beacon on the horizon! My mother-in-law organises a local event every year called the Towpath Harvest where people in our town come together to barter and to sell their home-grown and home-made produce so I'm going to see if I can drum up a bit of business. The goal is to become established enough to do the craft fair circuit next Christmas.
Then there's the third option; trying to make money in the comfort of my own home using the wonder that is the internet. I've joined PeoplePerHour offering my services and am at present searching about 6 different websites for some data entry work. I think I'm just going to have to persevere and throw many nets in the ocean. All going well, I'll be able to earn a bit of pocket money to keep clean nappies on my baby's bum and food in her tummy. Wish me luck!
It's not that I don't want to work, quite the opposite. I've always been a grafter and worked since the age of 15, but I've found that my priorities shifted from having a bit of spare cash to go to the pub to spending as much time with my baby as possible and watching her develop into her own little person. I'm just really not ready to leave her yet and the thought of going back to a job that I didn't really like (and was supposed to be temporary) in the first place and missing out being with my baby does just bum me out no end. Maybe I should just start playing the lottery and see how that works out for me...
TTFN!

Far too awake for this time of night

This is why you should never EVER exercise late at night! As I've been busy with bubba all day and making bath truffles and muffins for my little cottage industry (Kayleigh's Creations, check us out on Facebook!) tonight it got to half 10 and I realised that I hadn't got round to doing any exercise.
With just a month and a half left to lose a stone and having eaten a lot of chocolate and cheese, I started to get a bit panicky. Unfortunately, Isabella then decided to wake up for a feed. Managed to get her off to bed, pottered around getting a few bits done and she awoke again! Fed her a bit more, did a few more busy things and before I knew it, it was only twenty minutes to midnight. But, because I'm an utter trooper (and feeling guilty after yesterday's Krispy Kreme and not exercising since Sunday) I did 40 minutes of bum and thigh exercises and dance-style toning as quietly as possible with DVD practically on mute.
I now feel vaguely better and my bum muscles are killing me and utterly, utterly wide awake! A sensible person would say "it's way past my bedtime, my baby's going to be waking up for another feed soon, I should sleep". Apparently I'm not a sensible person. Instead, I'm sat here with a face mask on about to watch a Dispatches documentary on 4OD about benefit cheats. Happy days!
I may be even more tired than usual in the morning, but at least I'll get to spend a bit more time with hubby and my pores will be a lot clearer.....
Isabella really amazed me today; during Nakey Nakey Playtime (between dinner and bed to avoid another nappy and outfit change) she managed to push herself up from lying on her tummy, to more or less sitting up. Her legs were still tucked under her, like a frog about to hop.

Doesn't she look chuffed with her little self?! It's astounding how much stronger and smarter she gets by the day. I'm going to wash this blue gunk off my face and have a nice cup of green tea.

TTFN!x

Having a trying time :-(

Isabella and I have been having a few tricky evenings of late. Because she's a very minimalistic  napper, I thought that she'd be really tired and easy to settle at night. WRONG! I thought that being such an active baby, she would wear herself out. WRONG! So it's a real struggle sometimes to get her to sleep, let alone get her to stay asleep.
We've tried encouraging her to self-settle innumerable times, but it just doesn't seem to work on her, she needs to be nursed to sleep. She's also redeveloped the habit of waking up just for a cuddle. It's happened 3 times this evening so far. As lovely as it is to feel wanted by my baby, the novelty does wear off sometimes!
Sunday night was perhaps the worst sleep we've had since she had the snuffles a few weeks ago (which was when she refused to sleep by herself and poor hubby got kicked into the spare room so that she could stay with me) and it left me absolutely exhausted. I don't know why some nights she'll only wake up twice and other nights she's determined not to sleep. Why can't babies just be predictable?!
I'm just getting through each day as it comes by telling myself that one day, one sweet day, she will sleep through the night again and I can get some actual, proper sleep.
I've been too tired the last couple of days to exercise, so I've capped it all off by having a krispy kreme. It was just over 200 empty calories and I've had a lot of chocolate today, but it was sooooo worth it! Back on the diet wagon tomorrow!
On the plus side, I made Isabella some new purees today, including cauliflower and broccoli and she really liked it. My baby likes greens, yay!!!
TTFN x

What I've learnt from my baby

My baby is getting so big!!! I've been a little bit preoccupied of late, hence the not posting anything for a while. Isabella is on the verge of crawling and has a wide vocabulary of babbling. What I've noticed about Isabella is that I can actually learn some life lessons from her. Mainly because babies are so instinctive and just do what feels right for them. Here are some things that I have learnt from Isabella so far.

1. Do things in your own time, not when people think you should do them. Babies do things when they are ready themselves, not when the books say they should. For example, Isabella was ready for solids at 4 months, some people were telling me from when she was 3 months to give her some because she was feeding so much, some people told me to start at 5 months. With our babies, we let them do things in their own time, but we don't allow ourselves that same flexibility. There's so much pressure to lose our baby weight as soon as possible or be ready to leave our baby with a relative quickly to get our social lives back on track, but where did all this rush come from?! I still don't feel ready to leave my baby with somebody during the day or more than a few hours in the evening, but then again why should I try to push myself? Some people feel ready to go back to work when their babies are as young as 4 months, some don't feel ready until they're over a year. Let's cut ourselves a bit of slack!
2. It's OK to show a bit of emotion! You wouldn't dream of telling a baby not to cry when they feel stressed out or to calm down when they're so excited that they give themselves hiccups, so why is there so much pressure for us adults to keep a stiff upper lip?! Agreed, being upset or stressed around your baby isn't good for them, but the rest of the time, if we want to express how frustrated or happy or perplexed we are, maybe it would do us good to share it a bit more.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Imagine how useless we'd be if we gave up everything at the first attempt. I mean, everything that we've tried in our lives; walking, talking, co-ordinating our hands and mouths. We literally would not be able to do anything! Isabella has been trying to crawl for ages now and she's got to the point where she pushes her bum up and either goes backwards or flips over, but she's showing no signs of quitting! I'm horrifically guilty of being a quitter. I hurt myself trying to ride a bike, so I gave up. I quit quitting smoking dozens and dozens of times before I succeeded. So, I've decided to, for once in my life, just do something! I've been meaning to start my own business making bath products for nearly 2 years then put it on the back burner or delayed it because I feel like I've got more research and work to do, but now I'm just going to take a dive and do it! As they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
4. Life is too short to do something that you don't want to. My baby will not do anything she doesn't want to, she's already got a mind of her own. If you offer her a toy and she doesn't like the look of it or doesn't feel like playing, she just won't take it. She's the same with food; she doesn't like avocado or plain baby rice, so she won't eat it, simples! I'm not suggesting that we should take this too literally, if you refused to do a task at work because you didn't enjoy it, you'd probably get a disciplinary, but how many times in our lives do we do something simply to please somebody else? Maybe we should grow down a bit and explain (nicely) that we don't want to eat something we don't like the look or smell of or would rather do or go somewhere else. After all, isn't life a bit too short to not enjoy what you're doing?
5. Sometimes we just need a hug. I'm not sure why, but once we reach adulthood, a lot of us have a lot less human contact with each other. How many times has your baby stopped crying as soon as you picked them up and gave them a cuddle? Even through the toddling stage and childhood, a hug can make everything better, but many grown-ups suffer from hug-deprivation in their lives.  Hugs increase the level of oxytocin and release serotonin and dopamine, which are all important for making you feel calmer and happier. Studies have shown that regular cuddles can also decrease your stress levels, which can reduce your risk of high blood pressure. There are absolutely dozens of reasons to hug somebody, so aim for at least 3 hugs a day (even if they're with the same person) to keep the blues away!

I'm sure my baby has a lot more to teach me, like the importance of being nakey nakey as often as possible, she's an extremely wise little girl.

How is time going so fast?!

Today, my baby is 5 months old. I have no idea how because it feels like she just came out of me yesterday. The funny thing about having a baby is that they feel brand new and like time's going fast really quickly, but at the same time it's hard to remember what life was like before them.
Every day, she manages to astound me. For example, today she sat up by herself for a good 6-7 seconds whilst holding her arms out like a tightrope walker, instead of the normal hands on the ground to prop her up. She also pushed herself right up to the crawling position so, considering how adept she is now with the tummy shuffle, I should probably start baby-proofing quite sharpish!
My theory on why time seems to go so quickly is that you spend your whole time blinkered and focussing on getting through the day, so you don't actually notice that getting through the first few days has become getting through the first few weeks and then turns into getting through the first few months. Well, that kind of makes sense in my head.
On a bad note, I think that the lack of rest and lack of time to express milk is finally having a knock-on effect on my supply, so I'm going to try to ease up on the exercise a bit and make more time for expressing. I've been trying to do at least 40 minutes of exercise a day, not including walking or my weekly zumba class. That might not seem a lot, but when you combine it with breast feeding, doing 99% of the parenting and 2 night feeds, it's actually quite knackering. Especially as I normally end up doing at least half of my daily exercising after 11pm as we don't normally have dinner before 9pm and all my time prior to that is doing mummy stuff. Any time after dinner should be chocolate and TV chilling out time, not sweating to some chirpy American woman telling me to feel the burn time!
Isabella has 1 more month before I can start gradually introducing lumps and more foods, such as lentils and small amounts of cheese. It's really exciting in a strange way! I'm going to be researching some nice recipes that I can try out on her.
I'm going to try to squeeze out some more booby juice!
TTFN x

Starting to run on empty!

I've barely had time to blog at all lately, I didn't think it was possible, but I actually have even less time to myself! Isabella doesn't really nap during the day BUT she wakes up for a feed about 6, then goes back to sleep for a couple of hours. Although it's because my baby thinks she's a teenager and then refuses to go to sleep at night, it's nice to get a bit of sleep in the morning. Today, however, my baby decided to keep me on my toes and thought that 6am was a great time to get up and play! I've been shattered all day, it really has a knock-on effect. When she stopped sleeping through the night, it completely winded me.
I've also been trying to exercise daily, which is hard to squeeze in with a baby who refuses to sleep and also writing a few articles for my other half's website to help him out. The website is actually a men's health and grooming website, so I have to try to write as if I'm a man, which is.....interesting.....
All in all, combined with all the other little things I have to fit in, like loads of washing, cleaning and steralising stuff and making baby food, I can't remember the last time I just sat down with a cuppa and chilled out for a few minutes.
The last nearly 5 months have been knackering, but the last couple of weeks I've got to the stage where I'm starting to run on fumes. Oh yeah, and then there's the little matter of getting married in 2 years time on a practically non-existent budget, which I should have started looking into a good few months ago as 2 years is like 2 months in wedding time. On Saturday, I didn't actually get round to eating until 4 in the afternoon, which I could barely handle before, but when you combine with breast feeding, taking a baby swimming and having very little sleep the night before, it's surprising I didn't faint or get so delirious that I started speaking in tongues.
OK, enough with me moaning, I could go get a couple of hours sleep before baby wants a feed, but I have more research to do for the other half's website and the wedding and vegetarian weaning. A woman's work really is never done, bah!
TTFN x

Am I Just a Bit Rubbish?

This is my first post in ages as I no longer seem to have any time for myself. My baby now flat out refuses to nap. Today, it took an hour and a half of trying to get her to sleep, then she only had 20 minutes. AAAARRRRGH!!! And in that 20 minutes, I have to run round like my bum's on fire trying to do as much as possible before she wakes up.  I have long since given up on the idea of catching a cat nip whilst my baby's napping. If I did, I wouldn't get anything done at all. My baby will only nap on her terms, not when mummy decides that she's been awake for too long and takes the fussing and eye-rubbing as a sign that she's getting tired.
Since I had Isabella, people have been telling me to put her down awake and leave her to go to sleep. It doesn't work at ALL on my baby!
The biggest challenge is getting her to go to sleep and stay asleep. She keeps waking up just for a cuddle. Admittedly, it's quite cute, but when you've been on the go since 9am with no time to just sit down with a coffee, it's bloody exhausting and a wee bit annoying. I am now going to shove a Winnie the Pooh toy that I got for her whilst I was pregnant down my bra, so that tomorrow it smells a bit like me and I can put it in her bed in an effort to stop her from waking up for a cuddle.
Everybody else I know seems to be able to get their baby to sleep no problem, but I've been trying for 3 months to get my baby into a routine. Unfortunately, sometimes she does fall asleep feeding, so I have to either wait 10 minutes until she's completely asleep to put her to bed, or risk waking her up.
I know precisely what people are going to say; "Why don't you wake up baby and put her in her cot to fall asleep by herself?" because she won't bloody fall asleep!!! If and when I can get her to fall asleep in her cot by herself, it takes at least 20 minutes of whinging plus me repeatedly having to go to her and put her dummy back in. Plus, if she is semi-asleep, she finds her cot the most interesting place in the world, starts treating the bars like a jungle gym and is more awake than ever. I don't know whether I'm just really bad at this and need to engage in some behaviour correcting techniques (for both of us), or my baby is just stubborn and wants to do everything on her terms. That would be a bit bloody minded considering she fights sleep even when she's quite clearly over-tired.
I know that I need to start encouraging her to get herself to sleep, but it's just so tough! And it feels like I'm abandoning her. I read a couple of months ago that leaving babies only works because they get so lonely and scared, that they fall asleep to make themselves feel safe. That just really upsets me! I feel that I put her in this big, scary world, so it's my duty to make her feel safe and happy at all times. Then, there's the whole controlled crying method, which I am determined not to do. It can cause "Shut down syndrome". Basically, because crying is babies' way of communicating, if they don't get a response, after time, they stop trying to communicate and it can emotionally and physically effect their development. Would you go through that and having to leave your baby to cry just for the hope of a couple of extra hours kip a night?!
I need to go to sleep as I'm absolutely cream-crackered and Isabella's probably going to wake up for a feed in an hour or two, but I think I've crossed the over-tired threshold, plus it's a bit weird lying in bed with a stuffed bear in my bra. If my next entry is just a load of random letters and words forming absolutely no rhyme or reason, you can safely presume that I have in fact succumbed to sleep-deprivation insanity.
TTFN x

I'm soooo going on some form of rampage when I finish breastfeeding!

As much as I like being a breast feeding mummy, there are times when it really feels like being pregnant again in that it makes you really, really ravenously hungry and there is a big ol' list of do's and dont's! Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't stop breast feeding early just to satisfy a few whims, but I thought that once I finished being pregnant, I wouldn't have to check everything I eat/drink/take!
I love writing lists (because it makes me feel like I have some form of organisation in my life), so here is a list of stuff that I've found out I can't do whilst breast feeding.

1. Have laser lipo (the fat cells being blasted releases toxins into your system. I really want it and there's always offers on Groupon, life is so cruel!)
2. Take aspirin, ibuprofen or codeine. 
3. Bleach my teeth.
4. Have more than 200 mgs of caffeine a day, lest I get a twitchy baby.
5. Smoke.
6. Get drunk.
7. Eat a lot of oily fish (I'm vegetarian, so this one doesn't really affect me, but it's one of the things you'd think wouldn't apply after pregnancy)
8. Eat less than 1500 calories a day.
9. Take any form of laxative or diet pill.
10. Do any form of cleanse/detox/juice fast (again, toxins being released and getting into breast milk)

I swear, as soon as I've finished breast feeding, I'm gonna do everything I'm not allowed to do (except eating fish, bluergh) and end up very skinny, drunk, shiney-toothed and probably a bit ill!
TTFN x

It's a Bittersweet Symphony that is being a Mummy

For those of you who aren't children of the 90s, the title is a play on a line from 'Bittersweet Symphony' by The Verve (Remember them?Does anyone know what happened to them?They were great, albeit slightly depressing)
When I found out that I was pregnant, I knew it meant that I would have a little person who was completely dependent on me. What I didn't register was that my helpless little mini-me would gradually need me less and less.
Isabella is now in her third week of solids and wrestles the spoon off me to try to feed herself. Plus now she's getting the knack of tummy shuffling, is determined to get crawling and is getting stronger by the day. I'm eventually going to be resigned to just the food supplier and bum changer.
I took this photo of her yesterday in her "big girl chair"

She looks like she's grown up so much in the past 4 months and a bit, compare to when she was first born and was brand new

As exciting as it is when she learns how to do something new or changes some more, a part of me feels slightly sad that she's slowly but surely ceasing to be my little baby. Of course, at the moment, she still needs me lots, but she's changed from my little bundle of joy who spent most of the day asleep and didn't do much, to this little person who refuses to nap because she's so interested in everything and who wants to sit and move and eat by herself. 

That said, she's been a proper handful today, mainly because she hates napping so much and I had to take her for a long walk to get her to have a decent length nap.

She still sometimes cries just because she needs a hug and sometimes I'm the only person who can calm her down, that makes me melt a little bit inside.

I give it 2 months until she's crawling like a pro and completely refusing to be fed by me!

TTFN x

Ready or not?....

I'm in a bit of a thinking mode this evening. My gorgeous Latina girlfriend Laura came over today, we popped down to the local pub for a cheeky wine and one of the things that came out of my mouth was, as much as I love my daughter to bits and wouldn't change anything, sometimes I do feel as though I wasn't quite ready for a baby and should have waited another year or two.
The age that a woman becomes a mother is a subject of great debate; is it better to be a young mum, so you have more energy and your body pings back into shape like an elastic band, or is it better to be an older mum, once you've bought a home and forged a career.
Last year, the average age of first-time mothers was 29, which sounded quite old to me, personally, when I read the statistic, but nowadays girls are still likely to be partying and traveling well into their late 20's, whereas just a couple of decades ago most women would be married with a couple of toddlers by that age. At the Mother and Baby club that I sometimes go to, I'm the youngest mum by quite a few years and, for my area, I'm considered a young mum. Then, if you look at the rest of the country, "young mums" are actually in their teens or very early twenties.
I've read numerous articles in newspapers, magazines and online about the various pros and cons of having babies in your 20s, 30s or 40s, but then a thought occurred to me- is anybody ever 100%, truly and undoubtably ready to become a mother?
One of the arguments against being a very young mother is the financial issue. It's becoming harder and harder for 20-30 year olds to get on the property ladder and start owning instead of renting and the cost of living is increasing, so some people argue that it's best to wait until you've got a mortgage and are a bit more established in your chosen career path. But then again, with the increase in the cost of living, the price of various baby paraphernalia increases. Plus, there's always something new that becomes a "must have" and babies seem to need a remarkable amount if things for such little people. I found that I was ordering things that I had forgotten to sort out right up to my due date and even then, I felt unprepared.
Then there's the physical issue. Younger mums may have the advantage over older mums in the stamina and energy category, but nothing can quite prepare you for pregnancy and childbirth's strain on your body and the sheer exhaustion of sleepless nights and non-stop feeds and changes. There were times in Isabella's first week that I was so tired, I swear I had an out-of-body experience!
We also have the emotional side of having a baby. Some might argue that older mums are more emotionally mature, but surely that can't prepare you for the raging pregnancy hormones then the larger-than-life feelings of love and devotion for your child. I find it quite scary how my little girl, who was nothing but a bundle of cells just over a year ago, has become my whole world and means more to me than life itself. Nothing could prepare me for how much I'd fall in love with my baby. They don't warn you of that in your midwife appointments!
Then there's the practicality of having a baby. I found out very soon after giving birth that, no matter how much you read and research, no matter what classes you go to and no matter what you think you've learnt from friends and family, babies just don't behave by the book. There's always curve balls being thrown at you to keep on you on your toes. I'm sure that many second and third time mums find that past experience helps, but there's always new things to learn and discover in motherhood.
In conclusion, no matter how old you are and planned or not, feeling ready for a baby and actually feeling ready for a baby are two very different things. But hey, that's all part of the ride that is life!
TTFN xxx

Yay! A Facebook page for mummies like me!

I'm a member of a couple of different mummy groups on Facebook, but they tend to focus on other issues like love lives, money problems etc and a lot of the discussions are about formula fed babies, e.g. experiences with different brands, bottles, etc, which I can't really relate to as Isabella only have one formula feed a day. Then, I stumbled across this little gem of a page called "Dispelling Breast feeding Myths" https://www.facebook.com/DispellingBfMyths
I've become a proper breast feeding advocate as it's free and doesn't need any faffing about. Unfortunately, a lot of mummies find it hard. 60% of women will give up breast feeding in the first 6 weeks, which is the toughest time. I nearly gave up everyday! My baby was feeding up to 15 times a day, my nipples got scabby, my right boob was twice the size of the left one, I couldn't bring myself to breast feed in public so I was resigned to my bedroom and the latching on REALLY frigging hurt. All in all, I completely understand how tough it is, and I've never gone through mastitis or tongue-tie or any other problems.
There are some really good support groups out there, like breast feeding cafes and La Leche League, but it's few and far between and not always suitable for all mummies, so online advice centres are absolutely invaluable to us breast feeding mummies. I hope they keep up the good work and more online support groups like this spring up.
Tomorrow, Isabella is going to try carrot for the first ever time and i'm taking her to get weighed. She's mastered the tummy shuffle and has a million and one expressions. She's growing up so quickly, she'll be going off to school before I know it!
TTFN xxx

My baby is on solids!!!

I'm back after a little break! Isabella and I have been at my mum's house near the seaside for the last week and have just come back with about 30 new items of clothing for Isabella.
After the baby rice disaster, I decided to try Isabella on solids again. She burps for Grandma, she goes to sleep for Grandma, so I figured she might take solids for Grandma. This time, however, instead of naffing about with bland, mushy baby rice, we tried sweet potato and squash baby food instead. She loooooooooved it. Seriously, I couldn't get the stuff into her mouth quick enough! Over the week, I tried her with banana, parnips and blueberry and apple and have deduced that she hates parsnips but, so far, likes everything else. She decided on her second parsnip day that she liked them for about 4 mouthfuls, then she got stroppy again.
Here's some things that I've discovered about weaning-

1. I seriously underestimated the amount of mess that they can make. Considering I was only giving her a couple of dollops at a time, when you factor in arm-waving, dribble and a fairly clumsy mummy, baby food gets pretty much everywhere. Isabella managed to get some sweet potato in her eyelashes, on her forehead and right down the side of her chair.
2. Babies are fussy. I didn't even entertain this notion and for some reason thought that they didn't become picky eaters until they were toddlers. Not my diva-baby! My mum and I's new in-joke is telling Isabella that I'll give her parsnip again if she misbehaves. I've only got a few dozen or so more foods to try her on and then try again if she doesn't like them the first time round. I don't know what I'll do if I can't get her to eat lentils or beans or tofu or quorn when the time comes as I'm planning on raising her vegetarian like me. 
3. The poo changes really quickly! I seem to constantly talk about poo now that I'm a mummy, but even on a couple of dollops twice a day, Isabella's poo has completely changed colour, consistency and smell. It didn't smell that bad before and normally smelt quite sweet. Now, it smells rank and I can't not give her solids now that we've started down this path just because it gives her a stinky bum. Or can I?......Nah, solids are kind of fun in a weird way.

We have 2 more days or the blueberry and apple baby food, then we're on to either carrot and potato or cheesy spinach. In a strange way, I'll be a bit gutted if she doesn't like spinach because in a couple of months, I'm going to start pureeing whatever I'm eating and I really love spinach. Then what if she never likes spinach or other vegetables that I really like? I can't face years of having to coax her into eating her greens or giving in and cooking 2 different dinners.
I'm going to get a bit of kip before she wakes up for her 4am feed. I miss her sleeping through the night more than words can say! At least I got 7 weeks of her sleeping through and not having to wake up at a Godforsaken hour to feed her.
TTFN x

Now the fun really starts!

My baby is starting to approach weaning-territory! Since she stopped sleeping through the night, she's been dribbling more, constantly has her fingers in her mouth and watches me eat like a hawk. I read the Mother&Baby special on weaning and noted that Isabella ticks all the boxes, even if she is a couple of weeks early. Then, I got on Google and checked out 4-5 different baby websites (just to be on the safe side) and went out and bought organic baby rice and a weaning bowl and spoon to make sure that I was prepared.
Of course, like everything else baby-related, everybody has an opinion. Some say to start weaning when they show all the signs, others say just to give them more milk and wait until they're 6 months. But these latter people aren't the one with a baby attached to their boob 24/7.
Then Monday came around and after an hour of feeding Isabella and her STILL grizzling and chewing her fingers, I decided to go for it. I called my mum, who said "For goodness sake, she's starving, just try a bit, it won't hurt and she'll just spit it out if she doesn't like it". I got the bowl and spoon cleaned in boiling water, measured out the baby rice, made up some formula to mix it with and got ready for the big adventure that is solids to begin.

She hated it.

Seriously, for a baby who normally wants to eat constantly and has her mouth open 90% of the time, she clammed right up. She tried to escape from her bouncy chair, she dribbled it out and then she managed to put her foot in the bowl that I was holding and got it everywhere. The only bit that I got her to actually eat was a splodge from my finger.
A couple of days later, my health visitor came over and one of the first things that she suggested was to start on solids. As she's still young, I was told to try baby rice for the first couple of weeks, then move on to veg and because she's so big, to try it twice a day.

My mum sent me a food parcel for her AND an extra flannel for cleaning her with

 

(The sticker says "food parcel for my poor        starving grandaughter")

Soooo, I tried again, this time with the pre-made baby rice that my mum sent me. Still no joy! I have a couple of mummy friends who have also tried giving their babies solids recently and they say that they loved them and gobbled them right up! 

I've just got to presume that even though she's so much hungrier and showing all the "signs", Isabella just isn't ready quite yet. I've got some more stream-line spoons, so I'm going to try again Monday and see how she goes, wish me luck!

TTFN xx

Guilty as charged!

I have realised that I have a rather annoying, cringe-worthy, socially-unacceptable and downright-slapworthy habit. I am a baby bragger. I can't quite seem to help myself; something sounds OK in my head, then I say it and then realise how obnoxious it seems! I sometimes want to slap myself.
In my eyes, my baby is the most perfect thing ever. She has her moments when she drives me up the wall, but in general, she is my gorgeous princess fairy angel. I forget that not everybody needs to know that!
When Isabella was born, all of the midwives and staff in the hospital told me how beautiful she was and nowadays I have random people in the supermarket coming up to me cooing over her. Plus, she's super-strong and she's hit all her milestones so far a week or 2 early. It doesn't really help that she's the first granddaughter in my family, so my mum and nan are constantly gushing over her and my health visitor is always telling me how advanced she is for her age and how well she's doing.
All this constant praise for my baby has left me also unable to stop gushing about her myself. I'm sure there's going to be a milestone that she hits late and I know she's got some things that we need to work on, such as getting her to sleep properly. I just can't stop myself from opening my mouth and wax-lycricalling about how wonderful she is!
Part of me worries that she's going to grow up thinking that her poo doesn't smell, so I'm going to have to find the balance between making sure that she has good self-esteem, without her getting delusions of grandeur.
Another worry is that people are just going to get sick of me constantly praising my baby and bragging about her. I don't even mean to do it and I try to be less obnoxious, but mouth opens and it just comes out like Pandora's box! You're probably reading this and thinking that I'm big-headed when it comes to my baby and in a way, I am. I'm very proud of myself for how well she's doing and she's a beautiful bubba.
I suppose it can't be helped. Us mums are just wired to put our babies on pedestals because they're our little creations and we have the urge to nurture and protect them ingrained into us, part of which is building their self-esteem and encouraging them.
As far as I'm concerned, my baby is the best thing since sliced bread and the sun does well and truly shine out of her little bum, I just need to work on changing the record every now and then.
TTFN xx

I love Annabel Karmel

As I write this, I'm cuddling Isabella back to sleep and then will have to wait about 10-15 minutes, or until she passes the flop test (lifting a baby's arm and softly dropping it to feel the resistance, it shows how asleep they are) so I can put her down. She's the world's lightest sleeper and putting her down half-asleep doesn't work AT ALL because she fully wakes up then won't settle down.
I'm sure that if and when I have another baby, I'll be an expert at getting a baby to settle.
Whenever I'm feeding or have a few minutes to myself, I get on the internet and do baby research, mainly because I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I use Babycentre, Bounty, Netmums, Yahoo answers and a million and one other sites. I constantly fret about what Isabella should be able to do, what stuff should look like, how often things should happen, you name it, I'll look it up, often on several different sites to be 100% sure. It's a good job that I have internet access 24/7, otherwise I'd be constantly calling my mum. Like when Isabella had hiccups at 3 days old and we had to Google whatto do because Tony decided that 1am was too late at night for me to call my mum. i'm still sure she wouldn't have minded.....
One of the websites that I have started frequenting is http://www.annabelkarmel.com/
For those of you who haven't heard of her, Annabel Karmel is an award-winning cook book author and child nutrition specialist. She's described as a "mumprenuer"and juggles being a mother of 3 children with her product ranges, cook books and her own children's cooking show. That is a superwoman and a half!
What I really love about her site is the information on pregnancy and breast feeding, including recipes for breast feeding mums and positive information about bottle-feeding. It also has information about raising your child as a vegetarian like I'm intending to do. If you're a first-time mum like me, or even a second or third, go check out her website.
I'm going to give it a couple more minutes then try to put Isabella down. We're going to see one of my work friends and her baby tomorrow in Kingston, so I've made a "packed lunch" of expressed milk for Isabella as there is never anywhere to breast feed! All we need is a reasonably comfy chair or sofa in a corner of a cafe or restaurant. It's not really asking for much. Maybe I should run for prime minister and make that one of my policies...
TTFN xx

Pregnant in Heels

A lot of people find this weird, but I only watch TV on the internet because the TV in our bedroom doesn't work and I want to watch what I want, when I want, not whatever TV execs decide I can watch. Yesterday, on one of the sites I use, I came along a little gem of an American reality TV show called "Pregnant in Heels". It's 45 minutes which is perfect, because that's enough time for a feed and a change without having to faff around with my laptop. Basically, this British woman, Rosie Pope, moved to America a few years ago and she's a "maternity concierge", which is a bit like a wedding planner, but for your birth. She does EVERYTHING that these crazy, rich ladies need in the run-up to having a baby. And when I say rich, these are the kind of women who spend thousands and thousands on a baby shower, no Schloer and "guess what's in the nappy" for them! She designs maternity wear, teaches baby CPR, organises showers, decorates nurseries, the whole shebang.

One couple had her arrange a focus group to decide their baby name, because they were all about creating a "personal brand". That's right. A focus group. The kind of thing that companies spend a pretty penny on  as part of market research. Why aren't these people content with baby name books and searching the internet like us regular folk?!

I think my pregnancy would only be marginally easier if I had a maternity concierge. For me, the hardest bits were the waiting, being humungous and getting aches and pains. Those aren't the kind of things you can get somebody else to do for you. 

But, it got me thinking. If these people are so busy 24/7 with their 6-7 figure salary jobs that they're still doing right up to their waters breaking to decorate their nurseries and buy baby stuff, what do they do after the baby's born? The show doesn't really touch on that much. They must have to then hire nannies to look after their babies, which would mean losing a big chunk of the precious first moments. I feel a bit sad  for them, but I don't feel sad for their big, fat bank accounts! Money won't be able to buy back that time with their babies. I think I'd rather be broke after all!

TTFN x

I need to invent this

Another thing that I have learnt from being a first-time mum is that it's about time that human cloning was perfected. I swear, most days I need 2 of me! Especially as Isabella barely naps and spends most of her awake time attached to my boob. Luckily, I have perfected the one-handed breast feed, which is how I'm managing to type this. What I really need is some kind of utility belt so I can carry around all the junk that I need and pick up stuff as I go. Here's a rough sketch of what I mean....

As you can see from my awful, awful illustration, it would have various pockets, a clippy chain thing to attach your keys to and a basket round the back to flings bits and pieces into. I think wearing clothes with pockets would help me a LOT, but I absolutely live in leggings at the moment.
I really think that I should make and sell this product, it could be a million pound idea. But if anybody reads my blog and steals my brain-child, I will hunt you down and sue yo' ass! (Only joking, nobody would be foolhardy enough to make such a contraption).
I'm off now to play with Isabella then bath her.
TTFN x

Cottaging ;-)

No, not in that sense, but I made ya look! A lot of new mums become entrepreneurs whilst on maternity leave and start up cottage industries so that they can work from home. When I was pregnant, I thought that I'd be gagging to get back to work asap, but then when I actually had bubba, my thoughts did a complete U-turn. I probably will end up having to go back to work so that I can continue to live the lifestyle that I'm accustomed to, but in the mean time, I'm toying with the idea of making my own little business on the side.
My latest idea for a business venture is a natural bath and body product range for mums-to-be and babies, I kind of figured I can buy stock and do research online whilst Isabella's asleep and, being a mummy, what I use on my baby is now a key interest of mine. I was going to start my own range about 18 months back, but then I got pregnant and had to put it on the back burner.
Now comes the tricky parts. I need to do market research, costings, all the nitty gritty things, whilst raising a baby. This should be fun.........
I need time, which means that baby needs to sleep a bit more. I've been trying desperately to get her into a proper sleep pattern, it's still nearly impossible to get her asleep for the night before 10 and the only way I can get her to have a proper nap is to take her for a walk.  So, I need to look into sleep techniques on top of everything else. A mummy's work is never done. I swear that I didn't spend so much time googling things before I got pregnant. Here goes nothing!

5 Things I thought that I'd miss that I actually don't

Like any unplanned pregnancy, after "OMG, I'm having a baby" and "OMG, I'm having a baby that I can't afford", my thoughts after seeing that little blue cross were all the things I would need to give up due to being pregnant then due to being a mum. Some elements of my pre-baby life, I do miss, but I look at Isabella and it's all worth it. Some, I thought I would miss but I really don't. Here they are....

1. Smoking. In my 7 years of being a smoker, I must have "quit" at least 50 (I kid you not) times, only to start again after a day, week or even month of being smoke-free because of a bad day or one too many drinks. When I found out that I was pregnant, I'd been smoke-free for a whole month and after getting over the 3-month hurdle of quitting smoking, I can't imagine going back to it. Plus, I can't afford it or the potential wrinkles.
2. Kerazy nights out. Don't get me wrong, I still love socialising with my friends and the occasional drink and I've been out 3 times since having Isabella. What I don't miss are the nights out that end up with somebody crying (usually me), somebody flashing (usually me) or somebody trying to start a fight (again, usually me). I don't know whether turning 25 has mellowed me out or knowing that I can't get super-drunk because I need to snap back into mummy-mode has changed me, but I don't really miss it. I probably will go out for 1 last epic, crazy night out once Isabella is old enough to stay somewhere without me for a whole night, but that won't be for a good few months.
3. Shopping for myself. I've always been a culprit of buying things without trying them on, especially after putting on a bit of weight and not wanting to admit to myself how big I actually was and how stuff really looked on me. That would always end up in shopping remorse and more often than not, unworn items that I couldn't face the shame of returning for a bigger size or different shape. Since having a baby, wanting stuff just for the sake of wanting something new has taking a massive backseat. I will need to buy new clothes soon (hopefully, if the weight keeps coming off) but I seem to be blinkered into only looking for stuff for Isabella. It's also another case of not really being able to afford shopping any more. Boo!
4. Crash diets. As you may have gathered if you've read some of my previous entries, I have major issues with my weight and appearance. I struggled for years with anorexia, bulimia and disordered eating. The funny thing about eating disorders is, no matter how well you're "cured" and "normal", it always sits in the back of your head. Be it totting up calories in your brain or purposefully eating what you "should eat" instead of what you actually want, you're never really shot of it. I know I'm not and my eating problems are why I have an awful metabolism now, but because I'm breast feeding and have to keep my strength up to look after baby, I've managed to silence the little voice in my head that tells me that I'd be happier if I tried this diet, that diet or went a few days without food.
5. Being a workaholic. I'm a classic stress-thriver, in that the more I have to do and the more I take on, the harder I push myself. If I have less to do, I get a bit complacent and lazy. For the past year and a bit up until going on maternity leave, I worked crazy hours. Most mornings, I was in the office at 7 in the morning and didn't leave until 6 or 7 in the evening and used my lunch break to do extra work. Most people have their workload reduced when they get pregnant so they're less stressed. Not me! I ended up with more and more tasks to do. When I was about to go on maternity leave, my manager said to me that they were surprised I lasted as long as I did and rarely took a day off sick. To be honest, so was I! The first couple of weeks of maternity leave, I was stir-crazy, but then the tiredness set in and I was too huge to do most things and had to learn to relax. Now, I'm really not in a hurry to go back to work. I'm sure they're surviving without me just fine.

My Body Resolves

I love it when Isabella has a nice long nap. I've had time to recoup, do a few sets of squats and bicep curls, have a coffee and surf the net.
I've still got 11 lbs of pregnancy weight left to lose, then I want to lose a stone on top of that. I was aiming for 9 stone, but then I saw some old pics of myself at that weight (I was 21) and I, quite frankly, look like a puppet! I've naturally got big shoulders and a big booty, so being that weight doesn't really suit my body type.
As I can't lose weight too rapidly (breast feeding and need to keep my strength up to look after bubba), I've decided to take a more mindful approach to losing 25 lbs, which in theory could take half a year to do. Hopefully, I can push myself just the right amount to do it in 3-4 months. So, as I am a list writing fiend (it helps me pretend I'm being organised), I got a piece of paper, 2 metallic pens and have written down my mini-goals.
I have decided that I will-

• Think about what I eat.
• Eat my 5-a-day.
• Walk at least 45 minutes at least 3 times a week.
• Do 20 reps of something every time that Isabella has a nap.
• Not got overboard with treats.
• Look after myself.
• Have 3 cups of green tea a day.
• Stick to my portion sizes ESPECIALLY CHEESE!!!
• Avoid white food and go for colours. (I'm gonna be eating rainbows, baby!)
• Not compare my body to others.
• Cook dinner more often (So I know how much oil and things are in there and can make a super healthy low-fat meal for everyone)
• Work towards being a healthy role model for my daughter.
• Not rely on food or drink for happiness.
• Remember that I am a human being and give myself a break.

Well, let's see how well I can keep it up. I, personally give myself 3 days before I'm comparing myself to skinny minnies and having a little cry whilst eating a family-size bar of Dairy Milk to myself.
TTFN xxx

First (sort of) holiday with baby

OK, time for a quick one whilst Isabella is asleep and I eat lunch. Tony and I are taking Isabella to Bournemouth for the weekend tonight. We've been together 20 months tomorrow and haven't actually had a break or holiday together before (unless you count going to my mum's house, she lives near Eastbourne and staying the night in her spare room, of course). I've only got Isabella's clothes and Tony's clothes packed so far, oops! Most of my wearable clothes are still damp and I still have to sort out the million and one things that I need for baby. Then, we need to head off as soon as hubby is home as it'll probably take about 3 hours to get to Bournemouth. Unfortunately, the sun isn't going to be out this weekend, but we can still go down to the beach for a picnic or something.

After 7 blissful weeks of Isabella sleeping through the night, she's decided to become nocturnal again and is waking up 2-4 times during the night again. Joyous! On Tuesday, she decided not to go to sleep until 6am the following morning, so I ended up so exhausted that I could barely walk. Luckily, my sister-in-law took Isabella for a couple of hours in the afternoon, then Tony and his mum looked after her in the evening. I can't believe how much I took sleeping for a whole 6-7 hours for granted! It could be a growth spurt, it could be the weather, it could be my baby just throwing me a curve ball, who knows?! I'm so exhausted at the moment, I can barely function, I have a permanent headache and I really don't feel like I'm producing as much milk as I normally do. The only solution in the foreseeable future is persuading the OH to do a night feed with expressed milk or formula, but that just feels so unlikely. He'll probably sleep through her crying or if he does get up, bitch and moan the next day about being tired.

Still, I have some reasons left to be cheerful-

1. I've lost half a stone in the last month without even trying (most of it is probably down to not being able to stomach anything on Wednesday).
2. My e-petition for more breast feeding support has been approved. Only 99,998 more signatures until it's discussed in the House of Commons.
3. I've received my backdated child benefit. Yay, money!

TTFN xxx

5 Things that I can no longer live without!

Before I got pregnant, I couldn't live without my vast nailvarnish collection, booze and Starbucks. Now that I am a mummy, I have some new essentials.

1. Babywipes. Fastest way to clean baby's bum (they used to use just cotton wool and water when I was a baby, I don't know how they coped!) plus handy for sticky/slimey/dribbly bits elsewhere on baby and your furniture! Plus you can use them on yourself when you're too tired to properly clean your face before bed and freshening up when it's hot. I buy them in bulk and get a bit of a cold sweat when they run low.
2. The Internet. I thought that I couldn't live without the web before. I was wrong. When Isabella was 3 days old, she got the hiccups for the first time outside the womb at 1.30 in the morning. She was getting stressed out, the OH was as useful as a chocolate teapot and suggesting that we hold her nose and I was contemplating whether or not it was too late to call my mum. Enter the internet, like a gallant knight in shining armour! We followed BabyCentre's advice to lay her on one of our chests and breathe deeply, 5 minutes later and the hiccups were gone! Plus, it's a good source of entertainment when I'm doing a marathon breastfeed.
3. Antibacterial gel. Now, I am in now way whatsoever a neat freak. I am, however, paranoid about Isabella picking up bugs whilst her immune system is so immature. I think I use the steraliser about 3 times a day and I'm constantly using Soap&Glory's Hand Maid antibacterial gel. It makes me feel slightly calmer and saner. Each to their own!
4. Biscuits. Simply because breastfeeding makes me insanely ravenous and sometimes I don't have time to have a proper meal. I sometimes joke that I'm on the hobnob diet because I sometimes end up just eating a couple of biscuits instead of lunch. Not the healthiest habit in the world, but what the hey?! I'll improve once Isabella is less demanding. Plus there is no way in Hell that I could have survived the first week and a half without decent snackage because I was up all night and still busy all day.
5. The babygym. I swear, if I didn't have this, I wouldn't get anything done at all. Isabella won't sit in her bouncy chair without trying to make a break for it and the BabyBjorn is good, but there's a limit to how much you can do with a baby strapped to your chest. So now, I put Isabella in her babygym in the same room as me when I really REALLY need to do something, eg hang out washing or clean bottles. I should really use that time to cook myself something healthy, but nowadays baby comes first and unfortunately there's an endless stream of poo stained vests, used bottles and dirty nappies. The joy of motherhood!

There's probably more stuff, but it's quarter past 1 in the morning and Isabella has been waking up around 5am as of late so I should probably get some sleep.
TTFN xxx

Trying to get organised, honest

OK, so right at this present moment, I can't do anything as Isabella has fallen asleep in my arms and she's a bit overtired so I'm worried about waking her. I have however written the list of stuff to take for her for our weekend away to Bournemouth next weekend. I think she's going to need her own case.

I'm also starting to make to-do lists in the evening for the following day. Problem is, I don't get round to half the items and other things keep cropping up along the way! I'm sure it'll all be much easier once Isabella's a bit less demanding and can amuse herself a bit more.
On a positive note, Isabella's feeding fussiness is getting much, much better. The health visitor at the weigh-in clinic advised me to just keep offering boob, even just for a drink when she's not hungry, so since then I've pretty much been giving her boob every hour.
Now, I'm going to attempt to move her without waking her up so that I can get up and get ready for lunch with my friend, Julia. TTFN xxx

Jaysus, I'm blimming tired!

So, after my last post, famous last words! Isabella slept for 15 minutes whilst I wrote the previous post and since has had me running circles round her! Luckily, I took a bottle of expressed milk with us to mum and baby group because she had about 3 minutes boob, then got all hot and bothered and threw a wobbly.
I've spent the whole afternoon expressing and feeding her, trying to cool and calm her down and steralising stuff! I attempted to have some toast for lunch at 5pm, but couldn't grab a spare couple of minutes to eat it before Isabella was off again. It's probably still in the toaster..... In the end, I tried to give Isabella a cool bath, but it was taking so long and she was getting hotter and hotter because she was stropping, so I just grabbed a flannel, dunked it in cold water and dabbed down my poor, boiling baby.
She FINALLY went down for a little sleep at half 8 and since has just woken up for a quick feed, so I'm probably going to be woken up at 5am tomorrow morning, uuuurrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!! I've managed to get some food into me, expressed some milk for the morning and topped up the baby wipe and nappy drawers, so now I can watch TOWIE and get some sleep whilst I can.
This post will probably also turn into famous last words! A mummy's work is never done! TTFN xxxxx

Feeling hot, hot, hot and a bit rejected :-(

Oh em geeeeeee it's freaking hot!!! Isabella woke up at 6.20, went back to sleep until 10 and now she's all tuckered out again, bless her. The hot weather is making her feeding hard as well because she's a- all cranky cos of the heat, b- super sleepy and not wanting to make an effort to feed and c- too distractable, she wants to be upright and see what's occuring. Plus, she's worked out that if she makes a big enough fuss, mummy will give up and give her a bottle, simply because I have to get her fed.
After her initial month and a bit of constantly wanting to nurse, I've since had to deal with a bit of nipple confusion on and off. I had to start giving her a bottle as well as breast to give myself a bit of a break and because when I'm taking her out, there's invariably nowhere with a suitable sofa and quiet area for me to breastfeed. As a result, she started to prefer a bottle when she's a bit tired because it's less effort. Then, every day or so, she'd want a bottle more often. In the last week, she's barely wanted to nurse at all. She'll have her first feed with no quibbles, then she just does not want to know! There's tears and tantrums (and that's just from me!) and then I have to give up and give her a bottle of expressed milk, or formula if I haven't had time to express. The result is that I've been feeling really rejected and redundant, not fun at all.  Your most primal and ingrained duty as a mother is to provide food for your baby and everybody tells me how hard it is to get a baby back on the breast after they've got used to a bottle. I think there's lots of causes. Isabella had her jabs on Friday, they were done right on the sides of her thighs and she lies on her side to feed, so she didn't want to nurse in the afternoon because it was painful, I had to give her a bottle. At the weekend I stayed with my nan because I had a bit of a fall out with my baby daddy, Isabella was distracted and out-of-sorts and I was really stressed, my mum says the stress may have rubbed off on Isabella and the poor little mite didn't want to feed, it was a real struggle all weekend. Then this week so far, it's been really hot so Isabella is cranky and tired, plus she's sooooo interested in everything around her. Touch wood, today she's had 2 and a half feeds straight from the breast with no quibbles, so hopefully she's swaying more towards the breast again.
It's really getting to me now. It's not just the feeling of rejection and redundancy, there's also the stress of extra cleaning and steralising equipment and having to express more milk just in case, in some cases expressing as I go, and the worry that she just might not go back to breast and this is the end of it. That would break my heart because it's my special bonding time with her, it's something that nobody else can do for her and I intended to keep it up until she's 6 months, even if I have to supplement with bottles. Let's see how it goes, hopefully it'll getting better :-) TTFN xxx

5 Things That I've Learnt so Far

1. Having a well-stocked snack drawer will help you no end! I found that being up all night for the first week and a half, plus breastfeeding for 6-8 hours a day (yup, really) made me really ravenous. Plus, I didn't really have time to sit down and eat a proper meal in the first few weeks and was burning lots of extra calories breastfeeding. My sister-in-law made me a load of flapjacks, which were really handy at breakfast time.
2. Dry shampoo is your new BFF. Seriously, most days I feel disgusting! I now bath with my baby and do my make-up in 2 minutes flat. Also, you can use baby wipes to give your face a quick clean or have a whore's bath.
3. They say it's OK not to be perfect, but you are. You and your baby are actually perfect for eachother and as much as people can give their advice and opinions, nobody will know your baby as well as you do. Before Isabella was sleeping through the night, I didn't really mind being awake because that was our special time, we used to have cuddles and little chats and she'd practice her smiling.
4. Stroppy time is perfectly normal. I've yet to find 1 pregnancy book to warn of this! When Isabella was a couple of weeks old, every day when it got to late afternoon/early evening, she would start being stroppy and want to be walked around and nurse for a minute or 2 at a time, then whinge some more. This would go on for at least an hour and I would try everything to calm her down. It wasn't until I started googling it, that I found out that it was perfectly normal and it's just because babies are learning so much so fast and adjusting to being in the world, so at the end of the day it all becomes a bit too much for them. Especially if you have a really alert baby who's interested in everything as they can get overstimulated easily. Luckily, it passes! 
5. You bloody deserve it!!! I tried doing the Special K diet to get rid of the rest of my baby weight, but I couldn't keep it up as I was too tired, plus breastfeeding really takes it out of you! So now, if I want to have a bit of chocolate or have an over-priced latte, I do it because I've been through 10 months of pregnancy, 6 hours of labour, godknowshowmany stitches, been pooed, wee'd, dribbled and thrown-up on (sometimes simultaneously) and I bloody deserve a treat now and then! After all, mummies don't get lunch breaks!

It's not all frappuchinos and baby yoga!!!

Aaaaaaaaaand here it goes, my very first post of my brand new blog! I did start a previous blog where I vowed to bake something new every day for a year, but after a virus that I could not shake and being bogged down with my job (I worked crazy hours) it kind of got left at the wayside.
My daughter Isabella Elizabeth Grace Pemberton was born at 2.15am on the 24th of February this year and in the past 3 months, I've had a lot of ups, a lot of downs, learnt a helluva lot and grown a lot.
At present, she has is just starting to fall asleep in my arms after I've given her a bit of extra hungry milk, she normally goes to sleep around 9, 10ish; any earlier and she wakes up at stupid o'clock in the morning.
Through my pregnancy, I was under no illusion that motherhood wasn't going to be tough, but I really, REALLY underestimated how tough! I had visions of baby yoga and having yummy mummy friends, doing pilates to tone up my jelly belly and still having a bit of time to myself. Instead, I count myself lucky if I get to brush both my hair and teeth. As soon as Isabella falls asleep for a quick nap, I have a split second to decide whether to eat, sleep or get things done.
When all is said and done though, I wouldn't change it for the world. I learnt that you don't just love your child, you fall in love with them.
If there's anything you want to ask me on or get my twopenneth's worth on, email me or message me on Facebook.
Peace out, hope you all enjoy the weather whilst it lasts. TTFN xxx