I'm still here!

I know, I know, I know, the last 6 months or so have been extremely sporadic (read, non-existant blog posts), but I have my reasons! Apart from trying to make a living from being a self-employed writer, having a high-maintenance baby who demands all of my working time and having computer issues, I've just been busy! I should write more often as it gets me out of my head, but between working, baking, mummy-duties and trying to have some form of social life, I just don't have time! My exercise routine has gone to seed, along with my waist and fitness, but now that work has slowed down (eeeek, I'm going to be even more broke!) and my child can feed herself her own bottle instead of me having her stuck to my boobie several times a day, I will make more time. In other news, I'm looking for something else to do to make a bit of cash. I love cooking and baking, so hopefully something involving that as I'm not really good at much else! TTFN x

Concentration

I know, I know, it's been another long gap since I posted. It doesn't mean that I don't need to share everything in my head with the world, I've just been snowed under with work and the last few days have been like swimming in treacle. I have the concentration span of a hamster with ADHD and have been barely getting anything done, so I need to make some coffee, put my head down and write like I've never written before!
Wish me luck!!!

In other news, Bellabum is now 1, her party was amazing, albeit chaotic, she still will not walk by herself even though she's more than capable and we're starting to wean off of boobie milk slowly but surely.

Because Mummyhood doesn't have enough guilt!

I read a conversation the other day on the Netmums forum about how awful petit filous are for babies because of all the sugar- shock horror, I've been poisoning my baby with a sugary fromage frais the other day. Even though it has protein, calcium and vitamin D, shame on me, I should have been giving her organic yogurt with homemade fruit puree. Somebody call Child Protection! Don't tell anybody, but one time I was at my mum's and she didn't have any petit filous so I had to give her....wait for it..... reduced fat yogurt *gasp*!
Shockingly, my baby survived being fed low-fat activia against her will, but why are we so quick to tell other mums how to do their job? Apparently, being a mum means that you are wide open to criticism and people telling you that you're doing it wrong.
You get criticised if you can't breastfeed, you get judged by formula-feeding mums if you do breastfeed (your baby won't sleep through the night, your baby won't put on enough weight, you'll never be able to leave your baby with his/her dad) If you start weaning at 4 months, you're told your baby's too young, if you don't wean you get told to give them some food as they're OBVIOUSLY starving. Yes, it's fantastic if you've been there, done that and got the t-shirt, but knowing your baby doesn't mean that you know mine as well! As a first-time mummy, I spend enough time worrying that I'm doing it wrong without people sticking their oars in and making me doubt myself whilst wanting to throttle them.
Friendly advice is great, but people need to guage when and where it's actually wanted and try maybe not telling people how to raise their babies. My mum has the best attitude, in fact, more people need her attitude. She basically says that she's there if I need advice but Isabella is my baby and I know her best. My mum is so wise! And extremely clever, I think she says that so I'm more likely to actually ask her for advice. Because I'm her baby, and she knows me best!

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!

My baby daddy took today off of work to get some more time to practice his CAD (computer aided design work) so we went swimming which Isabella looooooves!
I first took her swimming at 4 months as I heard the younger you start them the better and went with my mum and her husband whilst I was staying at their house for the week. Not only was Isabella amazingly brave and well-behaved, it tuckered her out for hours afterwards! My baby is normally a little ball of hyper, so this was amazing!
Our local pool is about 10 minutes' drive away and comprises of a smaller, warmer teaching pool and a proper, grown up pool. We were in the habit of taking her once every 3 or 4 weeks, but haven't got round to taking her for aaaaages, so a few weeks ago we decided to take her, only to discover that she had (obviously) outgrown her swimming costume so had to do a mad dash around the shops to get a new one. Unfortunately for us, the pool was actually shut that day as they were short-staffed.
We've now taken her twice in the last week and, even though it's £4.25 each and she swims for free, I'd really make it a weekly, at least fortnightly thing. Isabella is almost swimming herself already and only needs a little bit of support in the water, which is amazing considering we haven't actually taken her to any swimming lessons. I've decided not to get one of those inflatable seat-thingys because I think they make babies a little bit lazy, but when she's old enough to actually learn to swim I will be sourcing the pinkest, girliest armbands I can find!
Plus, even if you don't get a chance to do any actual swimming yourself whilst you're at the pool, just playing with your baby in the water is amazing exercise. Really fun as well! I give it a few months before she can swim better than me!

TTFN xx

My night off

I actually left my baby for the entire night for the first time ever last night and it was emosh! It was one of my best friends' fiance's birthday night out (Vikki, she of the baking and keeping me sane fame) so we were going to Vodka Revs in Clapham. Tony had to stay at home to babysit so because cabs are so expensive and a train was out of the question because it was 1.absolutely freezing due to the snow we've had the last couple of days, 2.A bit nerve wracking getting a train all the way back to the sticks by myself and 3.A bummer as the last train to get me home would be at 11.40. So, as a solution, Vikki let me stay round theirs, their little girl was at her grandparentss house so I slept in hr room. On an inflatable bed, of course, not in her dinky bed.
I've been out a few times since having her but came back the same night, don't normally stay out too late and have to snap straight back into mummy-mode. As much as I missed Isabella so, so, so much, it was actually really liberating! A whole evening of no mummy duties at all. But, instead of my normal reports of Isabella being inconsolable and awake for hours, she was fine. She was bloody fine and didn't miss me at all. What am I, chopped liver?!
The next morning, I woke up with pornstar boobs as I'd missed a couple of feeds and surprisingly unhungover considering how drunk I was. I'm still doing the dryathalon, I was supposed to get a 'golden pass' for last night, I suppose I can still get one online. Whoops. Tony brought Isabella with me when he came to pick me up and at first she was a bit stand offish, but after me practically forcing her to have a feed to relieve myself a bit, she came around!
I love my baby girl more than life itself, but I think I really needed my night off. It'll probably be a good few months before I go out again and hopefully it won't be so blimming freezing!

Really, really hating this now!

It's been a week of trying to get Isabella to self-soothe and it's really dragging! The second night, it only took half an hour to get her to sleep, only for her to wake up half an hour later and to be awake until nearly 1am!
We've managed to get the initial going to sleep thing down to a T, it takes baby about 5 minutes and then she's off. But, that's when it all comes unstuck. She's wide awake after an hour or so, then is awake until I feed her, and then up again at 3. When you're up until the wee small hours trying to forge a career as a freelance writer and actually watch some TV (God, I miss TV!), it's utterly exhausting!
I just keep telling myself the same thing that any mum that's gone through sleeping problems, colic, teething or just general fussiness tells themselves- this too shall pass!
Seriously, if you tell yourself that enough times, you can almost feel your fingers clutching on to the slippery grip of your sanity! There are a few posts going around Facebook with poems about how your baby is only young once so to cherish the sleepless nights and messiness and the whole shebang, but it's just easier said than done. Tonight, I tried leaving her with her daddy whilst I ate dinner and she was still wide awake when I came upstairs. Tony had let her play with her toys with the lights off because he though it would help gradually calm her down. Men's logic, anyone?!
I love my baby more than life itself and I know I'm going to miss her being all little (ish!) and cuddly, but I just wish she'd bloody sleep when she's supposed to. She's now growing out of 9-12 month clothes and going into 12-18, it's so scary knowing that in a month and a bit I'm going to have a 1 year old!

I don't know who cried more!

So, I decided to give self-soothing another go and stick at it. I need to get Isabella out of the habit of feeding to sleep because I want to stop breast feeding soon. Lots of mums probably started months ago, but I wanted to make sure that we were both ready!
Little tip to any mums out there reading this, make sure that your partner is with you (mine was out, rookie mistake!) or a close friend and don't do it when you're going through a period of not drinking. I'm doing the dryathalon for CRUK at the moment and am still gagging for a glass of wine after this evening!
Basically, Isabella's never been a good sleeper. She screams like she's being murdered if you put her in her cot, doesn't want to nap, takes ages to calm down and is a tiny (read:extremely) clingy. I was told since day one to put her down whilst she's still awake, which of course with her has never worked. She was still awake after her bedtime routine and last feed, so I though "oo here's my chance" after a few unsuccessful attempts in the last week. Unsurprisingly, she wasn't impressed. Thus followed 2 hours and 40 minutes of picking up and putting down, trying to give her a dummy (which she normally likes, I can't leave dummies within her reach normally cos she'll grab them and use them whether she needs them or not. I'm sure she's got an oral fixation....), blood-curdling screams, Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes feat.Adam Levigne repeatedly, begging, pleading, a half dose of calpol and a lot of tears from both of us.
Luckily, my friend Vikki was on Facebook chat the whole time. She taught her baby to self-soothe just after her first birthday so she was coaching me through and helping to preserve my sanity.
I'm really hoping that tomorrow evening doesn't take this long, otherwise I might put myself up for adoption. In other news, I've started to plan Isabella's very first birthday party, yay! It's a bit early notice as her birthday isn't for another 6 and a half weeks, but I'm determined that it will be perfect! We're having a Disney Princess theme, Vikki is making princess-themed pink and purple cupcakes and a castle shaped cake, all the food and drink will be pink and I'm planning games like "stick the horn on the unicorn" and a treasure hunt. I've also asked all the guests, including the grown-ups to wear tiaras. It's gonna be so fricking girly that we'll poo rainbows!
TTFN x